Meet Jesua:

A lifelong mystic, intuitive healer, skilled shaman and non-dual spiritual counselor, for decades Jesua has empowered individuals, couples, families and communities towards awakening, healing and greater service. 

As a writer and speaker, Jesua joins a growing movement of sacred storytelling. She is particularly called to tell personal stories that ring with universal themes~ stories of breaking open, of falling apart to rise anew; stories of grief and gratitude, shame and yearning, trust and forgiveness. 

Informed early in life by the lessons of life-threatening illness and disability, and currently by the humbling path of conscious parenting, Jesua’s teachings ring with grounded humanity, authentic empathy, and hard-earned self-compassion. She heartily extends an invitation to tell the fierce and tender truth, and models the chance to choose love, every time.

In the last 22 years Jesua has met with hundreds of people of all walks of life, while touching many thousands with her written words. She has become renowned for her capacity to write and speak, guide and teach from an eloquent depth of human honesty, vulnerability and wisdom that resonates and moves. She inspires us to discover the courage to be nothing less than ourselves, and give nothing less than everything.

Jesua lives in Ashland, Oregon with her partner and children. She is working diligently towards the publication of her first book, teaching and speaking nationwide, and continuously opening wider to the profound assignment of being alive as Love in these wondrous and heartbreaking times.

My story:

It took me a long time to choose to fully incarnate. 

Here’s some version of my story; to give those who are curious a deeper glimpse into the heart of the person through whom this work is offered.

I arrived as the firstborn daughter to young, artist parents in Berkeley California in 1974. I was truly loved and I knew it. There was a lot of grace in my life from the very beginning- intelligence, creativity, health and resources. I was a curious and precocious baby, talking and walking early. But after an attack of severe meningitis at 18 months old, I was left with a hefty dose of trauma to work through, alongside a significant amount of neurological damage from the waist down. 

In the years that followed, I slowly healed. The leg braces I wore for years to help me walk were an ongoing reminder that part of me was broken, just as the frequent loss of control of my bladder and bowels was a continuous source of anxiety and shame.  

Everywhere I looked I could feel people struggling to know true joy, connection, and peace. Empathic, and deeply sensitive to the suffering I perceived all around me, I wholeheartedly resisted coming all the way in to my body and human life. It just all seemed too painful. Better to hover, just out of reach of full commitment to this human realm. The trauma I had experienced at such an early developmental stage had caused me to form a deep distrust of life itself, as well as a painful loathing of my disabled body.

And so from an early age I sought refuge in Spirit, in my astute psychic capacity and imagination. I attended my lineage in the stars and nurtured my relations with angels. In the privacy of my inner world I mastered the practices of moving up, up, out and away. I became quite skilled in the art of disassociation, and was able to function surprisingly well~ at school, in my family, with only a tiny part of my soul actually inhabiting my body.

My body continued to manifest sickness~ some of it self-inflicted. Born into a long line of thin-obsessed women, it was only natural in my early adolescence to flirt with anorexia, compulsive exercise and the practice of bulimia, in the helpless effort of grasping for some fleeting semblance of control.

At the age of 16 I began studying meditation, falling deeply in love with silence and stillness. I became intimate with the life of my truest heart, writing in my journal for hours at a time, exploring wondrously vast and subtle realms. I began to notice that my early childhood experiences had not only provided me with humbling wounds, but also with an immense depth of insight and authentic compassion for others. The deeper I explored the inner terrain of my own heart I began to suspect that forgiveness and self-love were quite possibly the keys to lasting peace.

When I was 19 years old, a junior at Sarah Lawrence College in New York, I once again faced a life-threatening health crisis. A benign tumor the size of a large cantaloupe, filled with toxic blood, had grown inside my spleen. While the doctors shook their heads in puzzlement about what could have caused such a bizarre medical phenomenon, I knew with absolute certainty that the sickness had been born of my essential, lingering ambivalence about being here.

During the final surgery required for the complete removal of the cyst, while under the influence of general anesthesia, I received a life-changing spiritual ultimatum. I was shown that I could either continue to suffer unnecessarily while manifesting ongoing disease, OR I could awaken to the truth of Love, heal myself, and allow my life to be of service. It became undeniably clear to me that I needed to finally make a choice~ either to fully go, or fully stay. I could not simply hover, loosely tethered above my life any longer. Love would not allow it.

And so, after surviving that last surgery, I made the long journey back to consciously choosing life, saying YES to this fleshly life of gravity, surrendering fully to the weight and mess and darkness inherent in being human. I devoted myself to discovering and embodying true self-love, self-forgiveness and self-respect, knowing these were required of me in wholeness.

In my remaining 2 years of college I shifted my entire curriculum to the study of Modern Dance, doing everything I could do to repair the neurological pathways between my mind and legs and pelvis. In my free time I delved into the practice of yoga~ strengthening my foundation, opening my lower chakras, and cultivating balance and flexibility. Late into the night, sitting on my cushion in my apartment in Mount Vernon, NY, I deepened my meditation practice, moving through the painful layers of armoring and defense I had carefully crafted over 20 years of life. “Healer heal thyself” became my living mantra. 

I spent those last two years of college for the most part alone, saving my own life, coming home to my body for the first time since I had gotten sick as a little girl. It was hard, grueling work, this learning to love myself and my life. Had I not been given such a profound ultimatum, (essentially~ heal myself or die) I most certainly would have continued on in my ambivalent, only somewhat-embodied ways. To really get clear about self-love, in the face of an entire culture and personal lineage insisting otherwise, takes a tremendous amount of discipline and desire for freedom.

After graduating from college, I immersed myself in the studying of a wide variety of healing arts~ ranging from different forms of physical bodywork to extremely subtle forms of energy medicine and higher sensory perception. I traveled around the world, seeking out renowned shamans, healers and master teachers, praying for a true and lasting awakening. As the years passed I became more and more deeply spiritually disillusioned, haunted by a profound suspicion that everything in life was actually made of emptiness.

" I needed to finally make a choice~ either to fully go, or fully stay. I could not simply hover, loosely tethered above my life any longer. love would not allow it. "

This deepening disillusionment eventually led me to a phenomenal enlightenment experience at the age of 24. In a random and mysterious moment one evening, while watching the sunset from the Mendocino headlands where I lived, I was suddenly penetrated by the light of the setting sun in such a way that I lost my personal reference point for 6 weeks.  In that incomparable state of being, I directly experienced there to be no “me” separate from all of existence. My consciousness blissfully transcended into a profound knowing of absolute Oneness with all of life.

During that 6 week phase birds landed on my body when I was out in the wild. I could start a fire merely with the chi from my own hands. Deer approached and lay down beside me without an ounce of fear. It seemed there were no obstacles to any embodiment of mastery. In being One with all of existence, “I” included absolutely everything. I experienced an immeasurable sense of universal freedom, egoic liberation and transcendence of human suffering.

Six weeks later, when I finally came down from that enlightenment experience, it was with the sober realization that my true path in this life was to be one of descending, not ascending, nor transcending anything.

My sacred assignment was to come all the way IN to my body, to let love include everything, especially this imperfect humanness. My work was to learn to cherish every day of this impermanent lifetime, to somehow enjoy this precious, transient woman flesh, and embrace the uncontrollable messiness inherent in living a human life of love.

Simultaneous to this essential awakening and subsequent humbling, I met my spiritual mother and teacher Gangaji. In this profound and life-changing meeting I came face to face with my very own Love~ in a way I finally and simply could recognize as the unchanging presence, essence, purpose and substance of all life.

It was inside of Gangaji’s gracious embrace, confirmation and years of close, masterful mentoring that I came to realize I would devote the rest of my life to serving this Love, through supporting essential surrender and homecoming in everyone I meet. 

Alongside this discovery of my true calling to serve Love at all costs, I was also powerfully called to the path of motherhood. I gave birth to my daughter in 2005 and my son in 2008. I became a single mother in 2010,  when it became clear that if I was going to become the woman my life was inviting me to be, and the kind of mother my children deserved, it would require me to leave my marriage to their father and forge a new path of conscious co-parenting. 

After several years of a single motherhood, and a few unfulfilling attempts at new partnership, in 2014 I consciously called off the search for romantic union in favor of discovering an incomparable wholeness in the sovereign heart of true self-respect and self-love. A few years down the road, and no longer feeling I needed a man or partnership in order to be happy, successful or fulfilled, I began to prepare for the possibility of a life partnership that could alchemically enhance my next phase of life stewardship, learning and service.

 Finally, after a great deal of personal work on myself, and many long nights of prayer, in 2017 I was blessed to be reunited with my life partner and best friend. In this love I was also unexpectedly called into the role of mother once again, when it became clear that loving my partner would include fully embracing his young son as my own. 

I find motherhood in all its forms to be the most rigorous spiritual path of all, demanding mundane selfless service alongside the bearing of an utterly vulnerable love. These tender relationships with my children anchor me to our world, to my own humanity, to my body’s ancestors and unborn descendants. They also provide an abundant wellspring of challenge and inspiration to be true to love in the everyday chaos that makes up a human life.  What a daunting and noble responsibility it is indeed in these powerful and troubling times,  to somehow steward our next generations of leaders.

True relationship, in my experience, is the ultimate humbling path of surrender; one that asks us to give everything, while relinquishing all of our expectations of what IT will give US. 

Learning to lean in to the mirror of conscious relationship is an invaluable evolutionary tool, one that asks us to surrender being right for the chance to be true, and the need to be loved for the chance to BE LOVE

In fully receiving Life’s ongoing gift of change we recognize what does not change: this love that we are; this Great Love from which everything comes and goes.  When we experience profound intimacy with both suffering and joy, it deepens our capacity for real empathy, while bringing us home to what I like to call radical inclusivity, in which everything in life is seen to have its necessary place; all is welcome and nothing is too much for our Love to bear.

Every day still it takes courage for me to descend; to open even wider to life and love; to find my yes to being here with authenticity, integrity and grace.

For some of us it takes less courage than others. I know for some of you being human comes so naturally; it is a sweet and sacred given. But I also know I am not alone in being divinely challenged by this choice to fully belong to life.

And what a remarkable challenge it is: to live boldly on purpose, heartfully surrendered as beacons of truth and love in our world. I meet you continuously in this holy challenge!!

Love to you and all you hold in your heart, xo Jesua

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